This is what it feels like to not be forgiven. It’s been a little over a year now, and I’m trying, I promise I am. Remember when you wanted me to try? Now you don’t want to have anything to do with me. I guess this was one of the consequences I had feared, but never expected to come to life. I’ve always told myself that if you didn’t forgive me, I would move forward. I was wrong. It’s hard to have someone important just drop out of your life like they were never there at all. But you’ve had your taste of that, and I’m the one who put that taste in your mouth. It’s very bitter and I can’t even put into words how sorry I am for doing that to you. I completely understand why you won’t ever forgive me, but sometimes I wish you would. I know that’s extremely selfish of me, but it’s really important to me, even though it doesn’t seem that way. I can see you’re happy now, and I couldn’t be happier for you. Maybe it was just meant to be this way; me not being there in your life at all. If that’s what it takes, so be it. It’s a pestering thought that will eat at me, but I will deal. I owe you that much.
Regardless of what you think, regardless of what all the people around you might say, no one knows what’s going on in MY head; I really do care. Always have, always will.
Until that day comes, if ever, good bye old friend.